So I must be honest.
This is why I have not been as close to God:
I am afraid. Afraid that the Christian lifestyle is not a mold I fit into. As a cynical feminist who hates to be in relationships. As a person with a past written on my face. I am afraid of losing out on youth and putting myself in a box of rules that keeps me from so much of life. I am afraid of people not liking me because they think I judge them, so I condone everything they do, even what I don't agree with. I hide my light. I hide it because I don't want to blind the world.
I am afraid. Afraid that the Christian lifestyle is not a mold I fit into. As a cynical feminist who hates to be in relationships. As a person with a past written on my face. I am afraid of losing out on youth and putting myself in a box of rules that keeps me from so much of life. I am afraid of people not liking me because they think I judge them, so I condone everything they do, even what I don't agree with. I hide my light. I hide it because I don't want to blind the world.
But you know what? They need to be blinded. I need to be blinded. I need you God. I need you more now than I ever ever have. I need you to call me home and tell me I can keep pressing on, even as I struggle.I need you to let me speak with authority, even though I am blemished. I need you to love me and let me have the confidence to love you in return. I need help.
Honestly.
pure.
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