Love. Breathlessly.

Blogspot! I have not forsaken you for Tumblr completely. I really can't write on there anyway.

So tonight's thoughts: LOVE.

What the fuck.

is.

that.

I'm going to be completely honest and just stream my consciousness here.

My grandma loves to work and she's staying home and doing puzzles to help my grandpa. I feel like that is love. I wonder if I'll ever be old, and if I am, if someone will love me when I have wrinkles and I can't walk and if I'll do that for them too.

But then I go and watch 500 days of Summer. Which feels slightly more like my life. Confusion as to what label to put on things, being scared and obsessed, and oddly happy. Wondering if there is one, fate, ladida. And never being able to let someone in completely, or be let in. Young and...free? Sure...

And then my friends with their instant coffee love lives. I am happy for them. Their comfort and girly smiles. But I just don't work that way. I am disillusioned and I can't find a balance between puppeteer and doll on a string.

I don't know what love is. It's not like you could put a picture of a young couple next to the dictionary definition. Then you would miss the humble love of years, two women laughing in the sand, or a husband trudging through snow for 10 miles to find a deal on a Mac for his wife.

Oh the human experience. I guess I will appreciate this period of mine. Breathlessly.

Fully to your feet.

Where have I been?

I will meet you in dance this morning

But my heart is not moving grace

fully like my feet.

The lines connecting the dots

of people around me are uncoiling.

Our words chosen care

fully like the steps.

Hearts and lights dimming

as we forget to replenish our fuel

Though we walk peace

fully like children.

When will we grow up?

If we keep regressing and regretting

then returning prayer

fully to your feet.

This is just to say

how much I miss you when I run away.

You said you've tried it before, but it's not a new food or a hobby. It's breath, life, light.

He is not someone you try to love.

His love is one that steals upon you

Like a thief in the night.

Dew drops that wash away

the crystals of sand holding you in slumber,

blinding you to dawn and high noon,

entrenching you in palpable midnight.

Light streams through the spaces in your blinders,

evolving from emission line to absorption line spectrum,

until one day you see the fullness of light from a perfect blackbody,

whose entire brightness radiates from within, where force brings atoms together.

Three particles make one atom,

in a reaction that ripples through the universe

like a wave of blood the sea of your beating chest.

Your being is illuminated, animated, a reflection of sunlight.